I’m going to start writing entries on here. I have had a lot on my mind lately & feel like the best remedy would be to write it out. I know people don’t really come on tumblr to read stuff, but thats okay. My aim is for this to be more cathartic than entertaining.
The sun was smiling down on the bay today. It feels like spring already & I can hardly believe how quickly time flies. It feels like I was just on the beach yesterday enjoying the summer. Winter feels like its already over, when did that happen?
I’ve been living predominately at my grandparents house for 3 months now & today I finally got around to rearranging my room. I feel so much more at home now. My favorite thing about it is the radiant wooden harp that is now displayed & uncovered. Its way more than a harp to me, its a portal to old childhood memories. If my grandma could be personified in an instrument, it would be a harp: gentle, elegant, peaceful.
Speaking of my grandma, we wet to visit my grandpa who has been temporarily staying in a nursing home facility. Words can’t describe how much I hate that place. Yeah its “nice” on the outside, & my grandparents rave that this place is “great” but to me, its shit. I came in the room to deliver a wilted heart-shaped balloon I got him for valentines day. I still feel guilty for not getting it to him sooner. I really can’t describe it but the look on his face. I mean, he looked happy to see us but their was a look of defeat I’d never seen on his face before. His watery blue eyes said that something was broken.
He was very eager to see the book cover I am on. I had the photograph ready to show to him on my grandmas ipad. Its so bewildering to me how big of a deal this is to my family. I’m not saying its a bad thing or good. Its just weird. Its not “weird” to me among my immediate family: (mom, dad, brother, grandparents) but to relatives that I barely know or see. My mom shared it with family on her side, & now I feel like I’m naked in front of a crowed…I just want to hide under a rock.
While we were there, my grandpa needed to use the bathroom & he was trying to buzz for a nurse. My grandma & I hurried over to the nurses desk where a snotty young girl did her best to ignore our presence. It was to late. He had to just go in his pants & wait to get “cleaned up.” What kind of sick world is this where we treat our elderly like this? It took forever for someone to come help. You could read the apathy all over the majority of the nurses faces. This isn’t “nursing” this is a prison in a nice neighborhood. I’m counting down the days till he can be back to the comfort of his own home.
My blood was boiling from that visit & I’m going back tomorrow. Its making me grit my teeth just thinking about it.
I ended the night by making a nice pasta dinner with my grandma finishing off with some peach tea and cherry pie. Feeling mixed emotions right now. I just found out I didn’t make it into an online program I attempted to get into. -sigh There were 2,000 entries though. I should have made a better video. Oh well. Always next year.
Celebrated my independence on February 14 !
This is so lovely!